I was working on a big project. It was a brand new workshop I was hired to create and was knee deep in research.

My goal was to deliver an off the charts, transformational and exceeding expectations presentation for my clients.

Even though progressive ideas and holding to high standards are my strengths – they have a downfall.

I get into my head – a lot.

I stress and worry about what people will think.

I have a never ending satiating desire to seek out the best ideas – leading to inevitable overwhelm.

When I get stressed, am tired, feel doubt, lack clarity, don’t have full confidence or worry that it may not work – my strengths become my weaknesses.

You see, when we enter a stressful situation, instead of the level-headed, balanced, at your best approach, we decide somewhere along the line that that won’t be enough.

Instead, we say to ourselves we need double down on our strengths and bring more of them to tame or tune out the stress. It’s called overcompensating and it happens unconsciously.

You bring more ideas, more emotion, more directives, more detail, all leading to being too much, and adding even more stress to an already stressful situation.

What I know for sure is this:

1) I’m not the only one who does this. Sorry, you’re in this one with me :).

2) It’s a natural and a normal part of our human experience.

3) There’s an unintentional impact that occurs when we enter this double down mode.

During the time I was working on this big project, my then, ten year old daughter and I went skiing. As we headed back to the car with ski gear in hand she asked me:

“Mom, are you mad at me?”

“Mad, no sweetie, why would I be mad at you?”

“Well, you’re acting like you are and I think I did something.”

And then it hit me: the stress I was feeling because from this project was leaking into our relationship.

Crap!  She’s internalizing how I’m showing up as something is wrong and that she had something to do with it.  She’s blaming herself for the tension in our relationship. EEK!

I turned to her and explained it wasn’t her and that it was this big project I was working on. It was taking me away from being present with her and contributing to the disconnect happening in our relationship.

Then she turned to me had said

“So mom, are you double-downing?”  

My eyes welled up and enthusiastically I replied “YES!”

You see we’ve had discussions about this whole notion of overdoing your strengths when you’re stressed. And now she was able to see that how I was showing up, had nothing to do with her and everything to do with mom double downing.

It happens all the time. People ignore us, lash out, get over dramatic and we think: Who do you think you are? How could you treat me like this? What did I do wrong?  Did I cause this?

Right now, there’s a whole lot of stress going on in our lives. Even if you’re saying to yourself you’re okay and managing well. I bet someone you care about isn’t taking it so well.

This is just a reminder, that most of us in times like these, aren’t going to show up at our best.

It also means, we’re trying our best, even though it may not look that way.

I don’t think anyone is waking up saying they can’t wait to put a wrench in your plan or to pee you off.

In these trying times, let’s be easy on ourselves, those we love, and those we work with.

Perhaps they’re over-compensating on their strengths in hopes of improving the situation.

I put together a quick cheat sheet to help you recognize what overcompensating a strength may look like for you or someone you know. The goodness is buried in there, we only need to dig a little.

These are all ways in which we try to alleviate the pressure or improve the situation.

Be kind and compassionate to them and yourself.

Acknowledge that stress is probably a culprit.

Double downing on strengths comes from good intentions, however has an unintentional impact.

I’ve put together some resources for you if you wanted to learn more or dig deeper into this topic.

Recommend Articles

• Stop Overdoing Your Strengths
• 3 Tips to Avoid WFH Burnout
• Don’t Let Your Strengths Become Your Weaknesses
• Know your Strengths

I’d love to hear from you: What triggers you to double down?  What do you notice about the impact it’s having?

Post in the comments below or send me a note to finka@finka.ca and we can connect.

With love,

Finka

PS: If you want to get clear on your unique talents, skills and expertise and use your personal brand to grow your business feel free to set up a call with me here.